Tuesday, May 24, 2011

Belated Monday Manifestos Post.....Lillian Durrant

I can explain....let's just say last minute work assignments. I worked eight hours Friday, twelve hours Saturday, and Sunday was filled with family stuff, and then Monday night was oh I have a major project involving straws, glue, and eggs that kept cracking (don't ask) that I hadn't finish. So yeah three hours of sleep later and I realized I hadn't posted my blog post.

Not that you guys really care, but the point is I wanted to post this post and so I'm posting it on Tuesday. I know I'm a rebel.

This is my Monday Manifestos post and is from Lillian Durrant's perspective. I introduced her earlier in http://danicapage.blogspot.com/2011/05/2nd-nwoc-post-one-lillian-lorraine.html. I didn't feel like that gave a very accurate portrait of who she was and it bothered me. Maybe that's why she's my first Monday post.

I hope you enjoy it. I took the idea of her writing a journal entry and went from there. It's not an actual excerpt from my novel, but I think it's a pretty insightful look into her character.

Lillian stared down at the journal her grandmother had given her years ago and started fingering the binding. Other people could keep journals and document their fears, dreams, and thoughts. She couldn't. It was simply too dangerous. If Black Rose got a hold of it--she knew what would happen. And yet she couldn't shake the pressing need just to start writing and recording her thoughts. She didn't know what she wanted to say and knew it would be too dangerous to say anything too personal, but she couldn't help it. She just needed to start writing.

My name is Lillian Lorraine Durrant and well you have probably heard of me--or if not at least heard me singing on the radio.

That's an odd statement to be able to make and one that unnerves me. I'm so well known and yet I don't think there are over ten people who could truly say they know me and even then most of them would be mistaken. That is everybody but Eric.

Eric is my brother and I love him, but I know I'm a burden to him. All I ever do is worry him. Nothing I do will change that.

I don't really know exactly what I hoped to accomplish with this entry. I don't want to spill my inner thoughts or feelings. I don't want to share anything about me really. I don't dare say anything about my friends either, because that will instantly make them a target. They already are, but I don't want to draw any more attention to them.

So, instead I'm just kind of rambling and filling space. Like I said earlier everybody "knows" me, but in reality they only know the facade that I've so carefully constructed. I'm not going to lie, it's a depressing thought.

She stared at what she had written and frantically ripped it out and tore it to shreds. She couldn't take those kinds of risks. Black Rose would glean information from anything. She couldn't keep a journal. She couldn't write about her thoughts or feelings. Why had she messed with fate? She stared at the shreds of paper and threw them away. No she couldn't writer her feelings. It would be better just to keep them bottled up inside where nobody could get hurt.

And that's Monday Manifestos post number one. Lillian is a tought character for me to describe. She's so multifaceted that it’s hard to accurately portray her. But I hope that gave you a glimpse.

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